My journey to the Dominican Republic began this morning in the Richmond International Airport. The first words spoken to me this morning other than my mother's goodbye and airport security directions were, "You're in my damn seat, sweetheart". I had just boarded and looked up to see a large woman glaring at me like I snaked the last parking spot at Hardee's two minutes before breakfast switches over to lunch.
Option A: Apologize and politely explain to her that I knew the flight was full so I temporarily sat in the isle to let the window-seat passenger through when he/she came.
Option B: Say "not now chief" followed by a swift roundhouse to the jugular.
Option C: Shift over a seat, confused by the order/choice of words. Continue to read Skymall, which featured the HOT new NeckPro Cervical Traction Device. *just in case you want your wife and kids to think you're attempting to hang yourself (see below).
Before I go any further I should attempt to justify my frustration. For visualization's sake we'll call the subject Sheri. 6'3 245 lb. white female. Approximately 45 years old. Full pink sweatsuit (which was utilized to its fullest capability), huge hair like Gerald from 'Hey Arnold' that needed its own overhead storage compartment, and an exaggerated deep southern accent that suspiciously disappeared during a phone call with her husband/pimp.
"You're in my damn seat, sweetheart" -Sheri
You might say A is the best option, but I was caught off-guard/fascinated by Skymall so I chose C. Despite my passivity, karma showed up right on time. Sheri had a "falling dream" and woke up with a shake like a wet dog accompanied by a yelp that echoed to the front of the plane. How do I know? The flight attendant came to our row to see what the problem was. I tried my best to look traumatized and concerned when all I wanted to do was say [insert something witty] followed by a backhanded sweetheart. From that point until the landing she fanned herself with a Skymall (again proving very useful), and gave off more perspiration than MJ in game 7.
As you can see the first day has been rather